How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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