I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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