I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
