We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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