I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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