bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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