You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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