she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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