I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
