I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sext me about skeletons
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
