So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize