you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
