Yo dont text me then not text me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
