I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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