The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
