I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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