like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
