i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So many bounce houses so little time
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize