they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
