Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
