508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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