Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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