I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
