carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
