Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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