he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
