It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize