why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
