he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
