We're facebook friends in real life
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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