Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
