I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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