I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
