the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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