there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
