Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
