The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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