That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
