i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
