i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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