someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i think my cat just said my name.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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