I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You are a genius and a whore.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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