Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
