I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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