Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize