oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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