You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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