Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
