We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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