all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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