I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
