Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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