Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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