Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
