Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
