she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think your dad took our porno
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
