There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize