I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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