Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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