I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
