But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
