Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
