I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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