I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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