He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
