Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
