i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
