we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
