So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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