You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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