____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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